Fellow OC-504-68 candidate and graduate Russell Wheat of Canyon Lake was, and is, our resident funnyman. His last market report:
"…helium was up, feathers were down, paper was stationary, elevators rose, escalators continued their slow decline, Coca Cola fizzled, toilet paper reached a new bottom, diapers remained unchanged."
THE TEXAS SCRIBBLER 
Yep. Works for me.