Monthly Archives: August 2013

Mr. Boy’s first date

I didn’t see her myself. Mrs. Charm had the duty and drove him to the movie plex, way the hell out in Cedar Park. He told me she was someone he met at the J and I figured it was one of the two NJGs he was palling with at Camp Tiyul.

Turned out that was a lie. A 13-year-old-boy’s glib lie (rather like our current president who also lies glibly even if he only acts like he’s thirteen). Told his mother he’d met her through school friends. Not likely I said. School has been out for centuries, in relative adolescent time.

More likely he met her on the Internet, at one of the computer game forums he frequents and finagled her phone number and used the Face feature on his iPhone to check her out. And didn’t want to admit any of it.

Mrs. C. said she was pretty (which figures, 13-year-old boys rarely settle for plain), and somewhat demur if you discount the short-shorts that stopped at her crotch. She was not, however, exposing her midriff and/or her pubescent breasts and she has braces like he does.

But it took some wrangling of Mrs. C., who always puts the nicest face on everything, to come up with the detail that the girl’s father (who was there at the theater with her mother to meet Mr. B. and whoever accompanied him, all very responsible parental behavior, for sure) had an armful of fading ink tattoos in a neutral geometric pattern from shoulder to wrist.

Oh, well. That’s reality these days. He did drive a Suburban and they have two other children, which is unusual in itself, having three children, I mean. Suburbans are pretty common “large” family transport hereabouts, though they are more expensive to operate and maintain than a van.

What movie did they see, you might ask? Wolverine. Yup. I figure it was his idea and she acquiesced. The way women do at first, when they’re trying to please you, before you get hooked and they suddenly turn bossy.

So now, with the resumption of school only five days away and her living in Georgetown (miles north of the rancho) and so going to a different school entirely, I give their relationship a month more to run. At the outside. Even with the Internet and the iPhone.

My first date? A secret assignation in the woods not far from home which my parents never knew about. And which I would have casually (i.e. glibly) denied if they had asked. We got there on our bikes and sat and chatted. And held hands. No iPhones, of course, but I did meet her in school and she did live just across the privacy fence in the back yard and it was very easy to climb. Repeatedly.

From one black man to another

A real black professor calls out the phony black professor who can’t tell the truth even with a teleprompter:

“When Barack Obama squanders his own credibility with his glib lies, he is not just injuring himself during his time in office. He is inflicting a lasting wound on the country as a whole.”

A wound that’s getting deeper all the time, as Barry’s “Justice” Department ignores the IRS scandal, he gets newspapermen and rodeo clowns fired, his pals in Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood have destroyed 54 Christian churches and monasteries, some of them ancient, he has secretly eliminated U.S. aid to Egypt’s military, and polls show less than half of Americans trust him anymore.

He’s Nixon with a sun tan. Unfortunately, the court media isn’t likely to push him to resign. And the GOP doesn’t have the cajones to impeach him.

UPDATE:  Barry’s strange love affair with the Muslim Brotherhood. What do you want to bet he’s not even embarrassed now?

MORE:  What would we do without MEMRI: A Muslim Brother speaks out: Egyptian Gen. Al-Sisi is Jewish! Morsi’s ouster is a Zionist plot!

Fly your dog to Martha’s Vineyard? Of course, sir.

Heard about Obongo’s newest puppy? No word yet whether it came with its very own V22 Osprey, or if he’ll need to keep using the Marine one.

The return of the skunks

No sooner than our wildlife removal expert admitted defeat, presented his bill and departed with his wire traps, we sighted two more skunks.

A week later, we see them nightly now, and have taken to carrying flashlights whenever we walk to and from the pool (no bees, this year, mercifully) in the back forty to avoid an unfortunate encounter. Except for the whitish stripe on their backs (actually grayish), they are black, after all, and fit in well with the darkness.

We do seem, of course, to be free of raccoons and armadillos, the expert having trapped seven of the former and three of the latter. No skunk smells yet, the original reason for calling the expert. But I have faith in fate. The odors will return and, then, so will the expert. Maybe if we keep him on salary…

Bach on a bike

Most musicians are certifiable, at least the ones I know, like the chord violist in our pickup fiddle dance band who doesn’t speak much English (I think he’s Japanese), plays the thing sideways and has a bow with black hair.

But this fellow, who lives in South Lowestoft in Suffolk, England is barking mad. Yet, somehow, he pulls it off, slaloming between light poles and park benches with, seemingly, nary a care for aught but his intonation and rhythm.

Warning, not for heart patients.

Viagra is a scam

Public exposure, so to speak, is always delicate (I’m not talking about Weiner and his magic tallywhacker here) but, face it, someone has to do it. And J.D. over at the Mouth of the Brazos has come mighty close:

“If these products are so great, I will buy any or all of them, on the condition that they show on screen a wore-out, obese, old fart with diabetes and high blood pressure and heart disease with a rock-hard phallus ramming it into one of those chicks.”

Allow me to, as it were, go all the way there: In my experience, having reached the Psalmist’s three score and ten, Viagra and its clones are a scam. All I got from the big V was a headache and dizziness. Much more likely to work are 1) going on a low-to-zero carb diet, 2) quitting smoking and 3) exercising daily. Not that I really care to try two or three.

Rule 5: Jordan Carver

This gal deserves another (and another, and another) now that she has surpassed Alizee as my all-time Rule 5 search engine draw.