Category Archives: Rancho Roly Poly

Our coming winter: colder than usual

I was thinking back on Labor Day when I cut back the Antique Roses in the Back Forty whether I should go the whole hog one-third trim, or do what I did which was just give them a haircut and plan to give them another one in January, instead of waiting to Valentine’s as is customary with this breed.

Now I wish I had gone the one-third, because January could be icy (probably not snowy, that’s hardly ever true here) according to WeatherBell meteorologist Joe Bastardi. His conclusion is terse: “Another colder, snowier than normal winter is on the way, in my opinion. I would prepare using a blend of 02-03, 09-10 as two-thirds, with 04-05, 06-07 as one-third…”

If the latter half of the statement is confusing, it refers to analogue winters which is Bastardi’s favorite method of forecasting because it frequently works. The winter of 2010, for instance, was so cold here that the green elephant ears in the front beds turned black and fell on the ground. They grew back, of course, from the roots. Go here for his not very technical, reasonably easy to understand explanation with lots of pretty graphics.

Waiting for the Ole Miss catastrophe

Hard to believe the Longhorns defense could have improved sufficiently in six days to erase their BYU beatdown—550 rushing yards allowed. My Mississippi cousins are happily anticipating tomorrow’s Ole Miss game. They always win the tailgate, they like to say, but this time they have a good chance to win the game.

Even former Texas safety Kenny Vaccaro, now lighting up opponents of the New Orleans Saints, says the problems are on the field, not with the coaches on the sidelines. No grit, no leadership, no execution. At least we have one good Texas game to watch tomorrow (Aggies vs Alabama) even if the QB in College Station is a self-centered jerk who will never make it in the NFL.

UPDATE:  Hoo-Boy, do these 2013 Longhorns suck. No defense and very inconsistent offense. After three scoreless quarters, including the whole second half, they lost 44 to 23. Kansas State next week undoubtedly will be more of the same—only the KState score will be a lot higher.

As for the Ags, they almost beat Bama a second time, but lost 49-42. Despite Manziel the bad-boy wonder-worker and his last-minute 95 yard TD.

AND:  Mrs. Charm, taking Mr. Boy to lunch out near Cedar Park day after the game, reports seeing a Longhorn flag in someone’s front yard: It was at half-staff and upside down. Yep.

Auditing the American Legion in Texas

Obongo promised to have the IRS audit his enemies. Rather he “joked” about it, similar to his sly giving of the finger to the Lizard Queen in one of their 2006 “debates” by scratching the side of his head with his middle digit. His supporters laughed. The news media denied it meant what it obviously did. So with the IRS.

Texas, of course, didn’t vote for him in ’06 or ’12, so we apparently qualify as his enemy. And he’s making good on his threat: “his” IRS fining the American Legion post #447 in Round Rock, just up the road from the rancho, $12,000 because they didn’t come up with privacy paperwork on their membership fast enough to suit the Gestapo.

We need to abolish the IRS now that it’s become a Democrat political tool.

Via Instapundit.

Mr. Boy’s first date

I didn’t see her myself. Mrs. Charm had the duty and drove him to the movie plex, way the hell out in Cedar Park. He told me she was someone he met at the J and I figured it was one of the two NJGs he was palling with at Camp Tiyul.

Turned out that was a lie. A 13-year-old-boy’s glib lie (rather like our current president who also lies glibly even if he only acts like he’s thirteen). Told his mother he’d met her through school friends. Not likely I said. School has been out for centuries, in relative adolescent time.

More likely he met her on the Internet, at one of the computer game forums he frequents and finagled her phone number and used the Face feature on his iPhone to check her out. And didn’t want to admit any of it.

Mrs. C. said she was pretty (which figures, 13-year-old boys rarely settle for plain), and somewhat demur if you discount the short-shorts that stopped at her crotch. She was not, however, exposing her midriff and/or her pubescent breasts and she has braces like he does.

But it took some wrangling of Mrs. C., who always puts the nicest face on everything, to come up with the detail that the girl’s father (who was there at the theater with her mother to meet Mr. B. and whoever accompanied him, all very responsible parental behavior, for sure) had an armful of fading ink tattoos in a neutral geometric pattern from shoulder to wrist.

Oh, well. That’s reality these days. He did drive a Suburban and they have two other children, which is unusual in itself, having three children, I mean. Suburbans are pretty common “large” family transport hereabouts, though they are more expensive to operate and maintain than a van.

What movie did they see, you might ask? Wolverine. Yup. I figure it was his idea and she acquiesced. The way women do at first, when they’re trying to please you, before you get hooked and they suddenly turn bossy.

So now, with the resumption of school only five days away and her living in Georgetown (miles north of the rancho) and so going to a different school entirely, I give their relationship a month more to run. At the outside. Even with the Internet and the iPhone.

My first date? A secret assignation in the woods not far from home which my parents never knew about. And which I would have casually (i.e. glibly) denied if they had asked. We got there on our bikes and sat and chatted. And held hands. No iPhones, of course, but I did meet her in school and she did live just across the privacy fence in the back yard and it was very easy to climb. Repeatedly.

The return of the skunks

No sooner than our wildlife removal expert admitted defeat, presented his bill and departed with his wire traps, we sighted two more skunks.

A week later, we see them nightly now, and have taken to carrying flashlights whenever we walk to and from the pool (no bees, this year, mercifully) in the back forty to avoid an unfortunate encounter. Except for the whitish stripe on their backs (actually grayish), they are black, after all, and fit in well with the darkness.

We do seem, of course, to be free of raccoons and armadillos, the expert having trapped seven of the former and three of the latter. No skunk smells yet, the original reason for calling the expert. But I have faith in fate. The odors will return and, then, so will the expert. Maybe if we keep him on salary…

Promoting, not banning, plastic bags

The Austin city council’s ban on plastic bags isn’t really a ban on plastic bags.

It’s a scheme which, while it apparently encourages some people to bring cloth bags  (Ann Coulter calls them portable bacteria colonies) to the grocery, actually allows groceries to sell plastic bags rather them give them away.

In fact it encourages the use of plastic bags since our local H.E.B. charges more for paper ones: $1 for paper vs 25 cents for plastic. Our local CVS pharmacy not only does not sell plastic bags, they give paper bags away for free.

Now you may say the ban on plastic bags is actually a ban on the old, free plastic baggies one occasionally sees blowing end over end down a two-lane Hill Country highway. (Only occasionally, mind you. Central Texas roadways are remarkably clean.)

And we’re not likely to ever see one of H.E.B.’s red-with-white-handles plastic bags so enlivened by the breezes of passing cars. Ha, say I. Give it time. Give it time. Because it’s obvious that was/is not the issue here. Charging for plastic bags is the issue and that’s working out just fine.

UPDATE:  Hey! The Translucent plastic bags are back! At H.E.B.! Yes! And they are free!

But you need the password. The password is “meat.” When you buy some meat (or fish) they give you a free plastic bag, just like the ones that were banned. Somebody is listening to Ann Coulter. Besides me,that is.

Axe versus Old Spice

Michael over at Cobb sums up (at Amazon) his shift away from Old Spice deodorant to something called Elixir Blue:

“My son uses Axe. He’s 18. I used to use Old Spice, [until] they changed their formula to go after the kids who use Axe. I don’t want to smell like some kid in a club. This [Elixir Blue] is the body wash for the mature sophisticated gentleman.”

I could say the same, except that Mr. Boy is 13 and I still use the “classic” version of Old Spice, partly out of habit (a habit established at 14 or so) and partly because, well, I just like the way it smells. But I will check out Elixir Blue. For my  money, Axe literally stinks. It smells like bad girly cologne.