Category Archives: Texas Football

Steve Patterson: Hatchet Man

Posted on September 15, 2015 | Comments Off on Steve Patterson: Hatchet Man

My old friend Marcos the barber has the best take I’ve heard yet on why Texas athletic director Steve Patterson was fired today. Marcos, a devoted Longhorns fan, figures they hired Patterson to impose a long list of changes, take the heat for all of it and then be fired for it, making the university look innocent. With a bonus, in addition to his guaranteed $1.4 million  a year through 2019.

Among other things, Patterson cleared the basketball and football decks of white head coaches and hired black head coaches for what are, after all, mostly black teams: Shaka Smart and Charlie Strong. He also raised ticket prices at the football stadium, instituted sales there of beer and cleared some of the deadwood donors from their box seats to make room for new, richer blood. None of which changes are likely to be reversed, according to Marcos, since they are undoubtedly what the U. wanted all along.

“Arrogant, uncaring, humorless,” the daily’s Kirk Bohls describes Patterson. In other words the perfect hatchet man. If you ever read it in the local snooze media just remember you saw it here first. Courtesy of my friend Marcos.

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Posted in Texana, Texas Football

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Thank you, Jerrod Heard

Posted on September 13, 2015 | Comments Off on Thank you, Jerrod Heard

The new Texas QB, a so-called redshirt freshman who actually is a sophomore, used his debut Saturday night to remind us Longhorns fans what a real QB looks like after too many months of tired old Tyrone.

Jerrod’s juice, as coach Charlie Strong called it, or spark, or what have you jump-started UT’s moribund offense, so much that even special teams got into the act. The defense, despite some very bright spots, still needs work. But it was a good start. Rice 28, Texas 42.

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Posted in Rancho Roly Poly, Texas Football

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Texas tweak

Posted on September 9, 2015 | Comments Off on Texas tweak

Booting play-caller Shawn Watson in favor of new one Jay Norvell may not be enough to solve the Longhorns’ abysmal play in its past three games. Starting backup QB Jerrod Heard instead of ever-dismal QB Tyrone Swoopes might not either.

But the QB switch has to come and Watson’s incredible refusal to give RB J. Gray the ball more than eight times against Notre Dame was simply inexcusable. Gotta give coach Charlie Strong credit for trying something to put some backbone into his new cream-puff team with the worst offense in college football.

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Classless Notre Dame

Posted on September 5, 2015 | 2 comments

Damn cheaters. Not content with beating the Horns, 17-0 at the half, they had to cheat ’em out of a field goal. Classless m’f**kers.

Twice their classless head coach called a last-few-seconds timeout—from the sidelines where the Horns on the field couldn’t see him—seconds before the Horns snapped the ball for a field goal try. Both times the ball went through the uprights. But they were no good because of the timeout calls. The last time, when the cheaters had no more timeouts to call in the last few seconds, the kicker missed.

They’re called the Fighting Irish. When 95 percent of their team is African American. Not an Irishman in the bunch. What a sham. And they’re cheaters, too!

UPDATE:  ND, whose classless coach Brian Kelly may be the only real Irishman on the field, won 38-3. Texas looked like 2014: a mediocre defense, a porous offensive line and a quarterback who couldn’t connect with his receivers, 7/22, even when they could get open. And 3-yard running backs just ain’t gonna cut it. Charlie Strong has served up another cream-puff team. Stinkeroo!

MORE:  The daily’s Kirk Bohl’s might not agree with everything I wrote here about ND’s Kelly, but he did call Kelly’s timeout calls “very rude” and added “I just hate the rule that allows coaches to call a timeout just nanoseconds before the ball is snapped. I’d alter the rule and force coaches to ask for a timeout before the center grabs the ball. Just patently unfair to kickers.” No kidding.

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Posted in Texas Football, The Culture

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Next up at Texas: A black athletic director

Posted on April 4, 2015 | 2 comments

I have nothing against Texas hiring a black (actually very pale) basketball coach whose given name Shaka gave it all away before I saw his pix. Most of the players are black (of one color or another), after all. Likewise the football players who now have a black (quite a bit less pale) coach.

But since Texas now obviously is into the PC game, it’s about time all those black athletes had someone who looks like them in the front office. So when is white (actually pinkish) athletic director Steve Patterson (who hired both new coaches) going to step down in favor of a black (pale or dark) athletic director?

If you said never, you’d be close. Even PC has to stop somewhere, eh Steve?

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Posted in Texana, Texas Football, The Culture

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Bye, bye Tyrone

Posted on December 30, 2014 | Comments Off on Bye, bye Tyrone

I have been almost religiously watching Longhorns football since about 1995. Prior to that I listened to it on radio while doing something else. There are guys on the team every year that I like. This year it’s RB Malcom Brown, even when he isn’t very good, DT Cedric Reed, even when he screws up, and WR John Harris, even when he can’t get open.

But I gotta tell ya. If QB Tyrone “Fumbles” Swoopes starts next season, I will probably stop watching and listening. Mr. Swoopes is so bad he makes Case McCoy look consistent, which he never was. Or Garrett Gilbert (sometimes derided as Gilbert Grape) accurate. Saturday’s drubbing by Arkansas was almost all on Tyrone.

Now I know you could blame the offensive line for not protecting him, as I’m sure some will, but I prefer to cut to the chase: Tyrone just stinks. I like that new coach Charlie Strong got on young Tyrone at least once during a sideline confrontation. The previous coach Mack Brown wouldn’t have dared do it on television. I was sorry to see young Tyrone argue back. But that’s what he’s worth: not much. Better replace him coach. Or risk losing your audience.

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Posted in Texana, Texas Football

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Rule 5: Body paint

Posted on October 25, 2014 | 2 comments

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Body-painted waitresses in Lewisville, northwest of Dallas, upset a city council but provide us some relief from the mini-massacre in the Little Apple where Kansas State ran over Texas 23-0—the first Longhorns skunking since Oklahoma did it in 2004.  The game stunk, but the body-paint wins. And it sure beats ebola for Dallas-area news.

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Posted in Rule 5, Texana, Texas Football

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